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Spiritually Abused? Don’t Facebook It.

Updated: Aug 1, 2022

11 Sept 2014 - Stephen McAlpine READ FULL ARTICLE HERE


I say this carefully: Overexposure is not the same as exposure. Spiritual abuse is indeed a fruitless deed of darkness, and it is a slippery little sucker as it often masquerades as a zealous gospel position. The risk is that we think that the only way to deal with it is to overexpose it and shout it to everyone. That’s usually because we have kept silent for so long about it, either because we’re unsure of what’s happening or because we are sure of what is happening, but are scared to do anything about it. Any extreme reaction always has a polar extreme. When the dam wall breaks and we find our voice we run the risk of not just telling some people, but telling all people, all people who will listen anyway. Something that was once hidden is now not only exposed, but taken into the highways and byways for everyone to have a look at.


We do this because of our rightful sense of injustice, but I caution you with these words: Be careful what you become in pursuit of what you want! The pursuit of justice in this world has two problems. The first problem is with justice, in that you can never truly get it. Our relentless pursuit of it is doomed to fail, as true and final justice is never going to be realised this side of eternity. The second problem with justice is you. You are, in yourself, not fully just. Your stated motive for exposing such injustice as spiritual abuse, may well be that others not be so treated, but a whole heap of Schadenfreude might be in there too. We love to see our enemies fail, and we love to gloat over their bodies. There is a tipping point somewhere in the human heart – one that we lose the ability to determine when seeking hot justice – where the righteous requirement to seek it becomes a self-righteous determination to administer it. I caution against this. After all, how much justice is enough for us? Usually just a little bit more.


2. Don’t Stay Silent. Don’t stay silent? Don’t Facebook it? Ok Mr Dickens, it was either the best of times OR it was the worst of times, it can’t be both! Here’s what I mean. Go to Matthew 18:15-20. I know that this passage is problematic if the brother with whom you have a problem is the pastor and the elders are on his side in the matter, but that is what Jesus counsels us to do. The key term in this passage is to remember your audience. If, as someone who has been abused, you have a tendency to be a man-fearer or a people-pleaser, the liberty Jesus announces is that Jesus is in the midst of his church in these dealings. He is the ultimate listener, audience and judge, and the one to whom you are accountable. You are not, contrary to what any pastor tells you, actually ever commanded to be accountable to your church leaders. Rather, everyone is to live transparent lives before each other. Now, it may be hard to front up to leaders and say “no more abuse”, or “I am going to inform the congregation why we are leaving this church”, but that’s what you should do.


Published at stephenmcalpine.com

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